washed white as snow

Isaiah 1:18 says that our sins can be washed white as snow.

With nearly 4 foot of snow on the ground here in Chester county, PA and a raging blizzard going on outside, that verse is really sticking in my mind today. The snow is such a beautiful reminder of how God can clean out our lives if we allow Him to. I'm not so good at that "allowing" part. It's so hard sometimes to open our lives up to God and to really share with Him who we are. Yeah, I know. He already knows our deepest secrets and hidden thoughts. But He so desires that we share them with Him. Most days, I just don't wanna! It is kinda like my son who thinks Mommy can't see him when he is hiding in plain view. Why do I hide from Him? Is it that I'm that ashamed or that I don't whole-heartedly believe in the truth of His forgiveness? Maybe a little bit of both.

Two months into this new year, I am starting to see the changes in me. I'm starting to get the "want to want to" back . I've struggled with depression for so many years that this baby step alone is a major feat for me. Yes, I'm still struggling, but I'm realizing more and more every day of God's healing going on in my heart, mind, and body. For the past month, I've been meeting friends at the YMCA 4 days a week to exercise. Besides losing 10 lbs in the past month (and according to our Wii, I've lost almost 20 since Christmastime), it's getting me out of the house and giving me more confidence and energy every day. Today, I ran a mile for the first time in my life, I think.

My kids are the light of my life and, of course, the source of most of my frustration. But they are three very good reasons to keep myself accountable--to God, my family, and to others. My attitude and heart directly affects theirs and I'm seeing that very clearly these days. That doesn't mean that I am doing well at watching what I say and do, but at least I'm realizing it and making steps to change it. Becca talks about Heaven and Jesus at least once every day. She has been writing letters to Jesus on her "drawing board". Ryan, although not quite mature enough to understand what it means to have a relationship with God, says grace at mealtimes every night, and when he's not being his bad 3 year old self, is the kindest, most gentle little boy I've ever met. And, of course, there's Connor--my sweet little snugglebug. I love seeing him grow and change, but am definitely wanting to freeze this moment in time with him. I just can't stop hugging and holding him. After having the two miscarriages before getting pregnant with him, I still can hardly believe he is really here. And with the death of a friend's newborn baby just a few weeks ago, God has definitely reminded me of just has much He has blessed our little family....even if I am sleep-deprived : )

I am so grateful for the little changes I am seeing in my family. I am blessed to have a wonderful, inspiring church family who challenges me in my faith (like today and every 10th day of the month when I will be doing some sort of "fast"). And I am thankful for reminder of God's forgiveness in the snow. All four foot of it.