How did I get here?!

I've had many moments in my life where, in a quiet moment (often at very random times and places), I've thought, "How did I get here?" Not "here" in a physical sense, but at the place in life that I find myself in. Sometimes I've had to ask myself that in the hard times, after a heartbreak or a string of bad decisions. But more often than not it's just because I've been living my life on autopilot and not really living in the moment.

I had one of those moments recently at a stoplight next to Walmart driving my minivan with three very loud children in the backseat. See, when I think of myself, I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I am a mom. I am a MOM. I am a wife. What?!? Wasn't it just yesterday that I was a misguided college girl without a care in the world? That crazy college kid became a mom before she was ready, that's for sure, but in that moment sitting in my "mommy van", I was just overwhelmingly thankful. How did I get here?? Only by the grace of God. Yup. That's it!

I had another one of those moments this morning after changing Connor's 5th messy diaper (due to a stomach bug). I was sitting on the floor of bathroom with my head hanging over the toilet because, well, besides the fact that poo is just gross, it's doubly nasty when you are 10 weeks pregnant. Yup. I said pregnant :) Chris and I are absolutely delighted that we will, God-willingly, be welcoming our 4th child into this world in early June. I never thought I'd be announcing that I'm pregnant with my 4th child at the age of 26. Actually, I never really thought I'd be saying that at all. I'm so glad that God had other plans for my life because the direction He has taken me in is so much better than any plans that I had made for myself! So maybe it's ok that I don't know how I got "here" because perhaps that means that I haven't been the one in the driver's seat after all. Thank you, Jesus, for taking the wheel of my life. Turns out, You are better at getting me where I need to be than I will ever be!