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"Face Time" without Facebook

Last week, I was challenged by a dear from to take a break from Facebook. Instead of facebooking as usual, the goal was to write a letter to one of our friends each day for the next week. I was so glad that she suggested this idea because I had been feeling the need to step away for a little bit. This might seem silly to those who don't really care about Facebook at all, but I admit, I'm slightly addicted to it. I do love that it connects me to those that I care about. I love being able to have a window of sorts into my friends' lives. But, at the same time, I think that Facebook often serves as a substitute for real interaction with those I truly want to be connected to. Since I feel like I already know everything that's going on in people's lives, i don't bother to check in on how they are REALLY doing. And that's sad.

My week without Facebook has been quite liberating :) I've spent much more time one on one with my children, my husband, and God. Without the constant "noise" of Facebook, I've been able to really hear what's going on inside MY head for once. I really realized how much I use Facebook as an escape from my own reality. I've been able to sit down and write a few letters to some really dear friends who God has specifically placed in my path for this season of my life--and I am sooo thankful for them. I desire to have a REAL connection with these people and not just over Facebook. I am determined as I sign back into Facebook not to let the desire to spend real time with my friends go. Facebook just does not beat real life "Face time"!

Baby steps

Over the last week, I've watched my sweet little Connor try so hard to take his first real baby steps. He can stand up on his own and he claps his little hands so hard every time he does. But, at this point, he will only walk when someone is holding his hand. The minute I let go, he sit downs on the ground--purely out of fear, I'm sure, and not for the lack of ability.

The other night, as I was trying so hard to get back to sleep after one of the kids woke me in the middle of the night, I just kept thinking of how exciting it is to watch my little ones grow. Connor is the 3rd child. He's lucky that I remember to feed him sometimes, let alone help him learn how to walk. But the delight it brings me to see him learning new things makes me wonder if this joy is a touch of what God feels when He sees His children taking their first baby steps in our relationship with Him.

From the moment I became a mother, there was no doubt in my mind that there was a God. None. Most of you parents can understand that feeling completely. There is nothing like the miracle of a newborn baby to remind you that we are each fearfully and wonderfully made by our creator (check out Psalm 139 if you haven't read it in a while!). But most of you can probably also understand that past hurts and failures often keep us from taking those first very important baby steps after we've made a decision to trust in God. And just like Connor does when I let go of his hand, when things get rough and we don't feel God's hand holding ours anymore, we quit trying--not because we can't keep walking, but because we are afraid of falling. I'm so very guilty of this.

Often times, I am really hard on myself for not being a faster learner. I see others who are seemingly so much stronger in their faith than I am, and I get discouraged. I wonder if God is disappointed in me that I'm not "there" yet, but over the past week or so, God has made it very clear to me that He is not at all disappointed. Am I mad at Connor for not being walk steadily on his own yet? Of course not. In the same way, I'm realizing that God DOES delight in me taking baby steps in my walk with Him. He doesn't get frustrated when I fall because He knows that is how I have to learn to get back up again.

This week, as I celebrate Thanksgiving with my family, I am so thankful for God's patience with me. I am thankful for the gift of seeing my children grow. And I'm thankful for the reminders that baby steps are just that--steps! Small as they might be, if I get good enough at taking them, they'll eventually get me somewhere :)

How did I get here?!

I've had many moments in my life where, in a quiet moment (often at very random times and places), I've thought, "How did I get here?" Not "here" in a physical sense, but at the place in life that I find myself in. Sometimes I've had to ask myself that in the hard times, after a heartbreak or a string of bad decisions. But more often than not it's just because I've been living my life on autopilot and not really living in the moment.

I had one of those moments recently at a stoplight next to Walmart driving my minivan with three very loud children in the backseat. See, when I think of myself, I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I am a mom. I am a MOM. I am a wife. What?!? Wasn't it just yesterday that I was a misguided college girl without a care in the world? That crazy college kid became a mom before she was ready, that's for sure, but in that moment sitting in my "mommy van", I was just overwhelmingly thankful. How did I get here?? Only by the grace of God. Yup. That's it!

I had another one of those moments this morning after changing Connor's 5th messy diaper (due to a stomach bug). I was sitting on the floor of bathroom with my head hanging over the toilet because, well, besides the fact that poo is just gross, it's doubly nasty when you are 10 weeks pregnant. Yup. I said pregnant :) Chris and I are absolutely delighted that we will, God-willingly, be welcoming our 4th child into this world in early June. I never thought I'd be announcing that I'm pregnant with my 4th child at the age of 26. Actually, I never really thought I'd be saying that at all. I'm so glad that God had other plans for my life because the direction He has taken me in is so much better than any plans that I had made for myself! So maybe it's ok that I don't know how I got "here" because perhaps that means that I haven't been the one in the driver's seat after all. Thank you, Jesus, for taking the wheel of my life. Turns out, You are better at getting me where I need to be than I will ever be!

Don't know if this video will show up it or not....but Becca is getting baptized on Sunday. I am so proud of her. When she first said that she wanted to get baptized, I wasn't sure she was quite ready for that decision in her life. But through talking to her and praying with her, it is clear to me how genuine this little girl is about her love for Jesus. She has pages full of prayers to Jesus in her little prayer journal and it just makes my heart smile to see how much He has been working in her life. Oh yes, she is still Miss Little Attitude a lot, but she has such a kind heart and and loving spirit. I just love her to pieces.

turning my worries into prayers...

"If things go great, then God is God and God is good. If things go horribly wrong, God is still God and God is still good."

I forget which wonderful pastor of mine told us this a couple of weeks ago in church, but I was reminded this morning of this promise--that God is good no matter what.

I worry. I am a worrier. I worry in the morning that I won't get anything that I am supposed to accomplished. I worry throughout the day that I'm not doing the things that I am supposed to be doing. I worry at night when I realize that the majority of the plans I had set out for the day have not actually gotten done. I worry.

I also worry about the bigger things: if i am a good enough wife and mother, about my childrens' salvation, about providing for my family, about our budget, and about our future.

It hit me this morning when I was looking over my prayer journal for the past two years that I should turn all that worrying into PRAYING. This particular prayer journal was started in 2008, after a pretty dark time in my life and my marriage. I wrote a few prayers to God, but then, apparently, my worrying took the place of my prayers and I didn't write in this journal for over 2 years!

A lot has happened in these past two years. We lost two babies to miscarriage. I started working. I lost my job. We were blessed with the miracle of Connor's life. Our other little ones have gotten so big! Chris and I have grown and changed so much as a couple. I see now that all the worries that I turned over to God in these prayers written over 2 years ago were taken care of, even though I wasn't paying attention. I want to pay attention now.

God's plan is perfect. I can see looking through the pages of this journal and the pages of my life, that God cares about every little detail--even the ones that we don't even think twice about. He's been working out the tiny little details of my life to bring it all together at just the right time. He did that without my help and even without my cooperation at times because He loves me. Yes, bad things have happened, good things have happened, and very sad things have happened. But our God in His awesomeness has put together His perfect plan for my life (and yours!) that no amount of worrying will change.

Today, I'm turning my worrying into praying and trusting Jesus to take care of all the details that only He and I know about...

Ryan's decision...

I've been praying real hard for the Lord to begin to work in my little Ryan's heart. Last night, he was having trouble falling asleep, so he came to snuggle with me in my bed. I was asking him about what he learned in church yesterday morning and asked, "who loves you, Ryan?" and he said "God!" (disclaimer: he also added Becca, Mommy, Daddy, Levi, Nathan, and Caleb in there too!) I asked Ryan if he believed in Jesus and wanted to ask Jesus in his heart so that he could go to Heaven. I explained again about how Jesus died for all the bad things that we've done and told him that Jesus can help him make the right decisions. I asked him if he wanted to pray a prayer with me, and he nodded his head. So, I led him in a little prayer of salvation, and he said it with all of his heart!

I'm not quite sure that he completely understands the decision that he made last night., but nowhere in the Bible does is say that one must "understand" to be saved--it only says one must believe. After we prayed and were talking a little bit about all the people (and animals-ha!) that he would see in Heaven, he almost started to cry and said, "Mommy, I don't want to go to Heaven. I want to stay here so I can play with Connor". Oh, my heart just broke for the poor little guy. He really thought that he was going to go to Heaven right then and there! But that almost makes it more special because he chose to trust Jesus enough that he asked Him in to come into his heart fully believing that he would go to Heaven that very minute. Ryan was quite relieved when I told him that he didn't have to go to Heaven right away :)

I'm excited for my little man and I just pray that the decision he made last night at least laid a foundation for him to make a fully conscious choice to follow Jesus later on his life. Pray for him!